Open Adoption

Are you my real mom?


Kacy, six years old, Fall 2015
When I went into Kacy’s bedroom to tuck her into bed, she sat up. “Momma? Can I ask you a question?”

I sat down next to her. “Sure, honey. You can ask me anything.”
Kacy started twirling her doll’s hair and looked uncomfortable.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Will you promise not to get mad?”

A list of what she was going to say started running through my head. Did she cut her own hair again? Did she hide the Nutella under the bathroom sink again? Or is it something else?

“Do you want to do the circle of trust?” I asked her.  When we do the circle of trust, the kids can tell us anything without getting into trouble.
Kacy looked down and nodded.
“Go ahead.” I encouraged her. To start off the circle of trust, everyone says one naughty word.
“Fart head,” Kacy said throwing her head back giggling. Fart was the F-word in our house when the kids were little.
I feigned shock and then said, “Fart face.”
We both started cracking up.
After a minute, I asked, “Ok, what is it, Kace?”
“Momma?” Kacy’s face turned serious and she looked down at her doll. “Are you my real mom?”
I remembered from our adoption classes that this question would likely come up. I’ve thought about my answer for years.
“Yeah, I’m your real mom. I’m certainly not your fake mom.”
Kacy looked at me confused.
“Hey!” I said in my best Robert De Niro voice. “There are no fake mommas around here. Feel me, do I feel real to you?”
Kacy put her hand on my arm and laughed. “Yes!”
“Do these kissies feel real to you?” I kissed her all over her face as she giggled.
“I’m pretty real, don’t you think?”
Kacy laughed for a moment before she furrowed her eyebrows and hugged her doll. “But, a girl in my class said you aren’t my real mom because I’m adopted.” Tears filled her eyes.
“Oh Kacy, because you’re adopted, you have two real moms that love you very much.”
Kacy looked back down at her doll.
“Look at me, honey.” I took Kacy’s face in my hands and looked deep into her beautiful brown eyes. “Brenda is your birth mom, you grew in her tummy, and she’s real. I’m your adoptive mom, you grew in my heart, and I’m real. We’re both real and we both love you.”

Kacy smiled.

I kissed her and hugged her tight. “If someone asks you about your real mom, you tell them that you have two very real moms that love you. You got that?”

Kacy nodded and wrapped her arms around my neck. “I love you, Momma.”

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, I kissed her forehead. “I love you so much Kacy Marie. Don’t you doubt that for a second.”

Kacy with both her real moms



2 thoughts on “Are you my real mom?”

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